i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize