Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
