can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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