Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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