My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
