GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
