he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize