a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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