Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
