People in love make me want to vomit
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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