dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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