I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
