Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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