it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
