i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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