Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
