I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
