It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
