it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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