yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
