So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
