i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
