I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
