We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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