I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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