i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
