It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
