sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
