its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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