dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
