he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
