it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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