I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's blow job season.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Randomize
