Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
BRING THE BAGELS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
