I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
