You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
