You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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