I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
