Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
