We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
