She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
