it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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