I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
