if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
