I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize