Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
