He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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