when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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