sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
