she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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