he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
