i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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