Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
