you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
