last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize