Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
