we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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