she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
