I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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