so that wasnt chicken after all
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
