new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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