oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
