I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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