it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
