My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
