I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
