1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Randomize
