he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize