you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
