one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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