Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
