I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
