i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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