my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
