and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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