I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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