Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
