It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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