I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh god it's open bar.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
