I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
