It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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