I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
