I just pynch a tree in the face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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