dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
