bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
