you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
