last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
