I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
