I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
